It's hard.

It's hard when the people who are meant to be by your side no matter what, choose not to and they leave you to tackle the world on your own.
But then it's hard because everyone pushes you back to them and you don't want to.
Everyone always says, buts she's your mum how could you not talk to her.. how about you shut up and mind your own business, if I don't want to talk toy mother it's really got absolutely nothing to do with you!!

It's hard because you know you've told the truth and she has have chosen not to believe me and that sucks because you think your own mother would believe you.  It's not like it's a lot white lie. It's not like you would really make up a story like this, it's not like you would hurt yourself over what she thinks is a lie.  I don't think that being sexually abused for 8 years would be a lie. It's hard because every other person who knows believes me, why doesn't she. 

When I see her, she talks about him, and how wonderful he is and it's pains me because she doesn't even realise how much it hurts, usually seeing your mother would leave you with feelings of joys, not hurt.

Some days it's a struggle to not think about the things I have been though,  and it puts a lot of strain on the relationships I have. Especially with Jez. He must get so upset with me that I have so many bad days than I do good days. And I really try to make my mornings happy because that's the stepping stone of your day, but it's hard when you are having flashback dreams.

Now that I am going back to work and getting back into a routine hopefully things will settle down again and I can have more happy days than good days. Because I want nothing more than for my love to be happy. 💖💜

I think an important step for me to be happy and calm again is to start writing down my feelings. So I am going to try and do that once or twice or three times a week. It might help keep everyone sane in the house hold. :)

For now, off to sleep. Soo tired.  Xx
Night all.