Got a few hours to Kill

Hey Hey guys,

How have you all been??
I am serious, Take amount to reflect how you all have been!! Have you been good, bad, reasonably well? i dunno, I just wanna make sure you are all keeping yourselves well.

Overall I have been well!! Kinda has a spaz moment on Tuesday, But I am really glad i have an amazing, supportive, caring, kind hearted, stubborn boyfie!! If it wasnt for him, i dont know what i would have done! Probably ended up in hospital or jail....

I guess i should probably explain to you guys what happened...
On Monday night Leith and I were texting having a relatively serious conversation, and I was trying to say something, but no matter how i worded it it just didnt sound right, so i told him its not something i wanted to say to his face, so we decided that we would catch up the next day (Tuesday) So pretty much all of Tuesday i was so nervous, and to make it worse, there was a guy at uni, who is a bit of a douche, who just wouldnt leave things alone, it pissed me off a little. Anyways, Leith picked me up from uni, and all i really wanted to tell him was how much this relationship is scaring me, and i am trying to hard not to runaway because i want things to work, Then we kinda of moved into things about my past i hadnt told anyone before, and thats about the point i got extremly angry.. Like more angry than i have ever been before, I was pretty certain i could have punched something and stab someone.
So amungst my fit of rage, Leith decided that we needed to go for a drive, SO we drove about 200k outta perth and ended up on a gravel road, on which we got out of the ute and layed on it looking at the starts. <3 Its was quite a nice feeling, Then at around midnight when we decided it was time to go home, we jumped back into the ute and headed home...
Then I told Leith about something that happened in my past that i hadnt told anyone else before. Not even you guys, and i am still not going to tell you guys, But anyways, Leith then Kinda got a touch angry, And by touch angry, i mean, pull off the road, stop, get out, punch the ute, get back in, kinda angry, Then we stood outside for about an hour talking about it all.
Then we decided we should probably head home, By the time we got back to my place it was like 3 in the morning, So i let Leith stay at mine, seaming as he had to get up in two hours, and if he drove home he would have had to have turned around again and go straight back to work.

So that was Tuesday/Wednesday, The rest of my wednesday, after i eventually got to sleep at like 6 in the morning when Leith left, I woke up at like 11, and then just did some study,

It was Wednesday night though, that I had the scariest dream of my life, I had this guy chasing me, and i was at the train station in perth, and all of a sudden i was laying on the ground while this guy raped me, All i really remember from the dream though was the guy trying to force his tongue down my throat, but i wouldnt open my mouth and his was just like licking my face. When i woke up i was so freaking scared, I didnt go to uni that day, I kinda just stayed home and layed in bed all day texting the boyfie, who was mean and woke me up. :p

Then onto friday, Friday I have to get up at stupid oclock (6am) to get to uni on time, But that was all good, I had a relatively good day uni, except for the both times i ordered coffer my order was wrong, :( ohs well. Then Leith picked me up from uni and we drove to Bindoon to house sit for a friend, And that kinda brings us to know....

Right now Leithykins is asleep on the couch, while i am sitting here typing, :p He is quietly snoring to himself. Its rather cute. ^__^ Dont tell him i said that. :p

I kinda wanna talk about something, without going into to much detail about, But last night, Leith and i were in bed together, and we were doing stuff (not sex) and it kinda triggered a memory, and for a while i was fine, (about 10 minutes) and all of a sudden, i just got this shocking pain in my stomach, like i have been im pretty bad pain before, but that was so excruciating i honestly felt like i could probably die, I dunno, no i have had some time to think about it all, i am thinking Leith was right, (yes i am admitting he is right) and it was all just stress related kinda thing, And where as i have kinda in a way, had this pain before, it was nowhere on this level, I guess it was kinda similar to a panic attack, but it was so scary, and i had no idea what was happening, It took about 2 hours for it to settle down, Leith wanted to take me to the hospital but i said no, actually i am pretty sure i said no about 100 times, we were just both being stubborn, He just cares for me, I know, but yh, its not really something i am too used to, having someone care, well at least that much anyway. <3 Xx  I kinda just feel bad for making him worry so much.

Anyways, I think thats enough of drama for one week in a blog, So i shall let you all get back to your lives

Speak Kind Words Xx

JessXx

I cant sleep. :((

So i can't sleep as you all probably figured from the title. :p
What better thing to do than write you all a blog.
This one is coming from my phone. So please excuse some mistakes or what ever.
So how are you all?? :p
I have had a major shit arse week. All started on Sunday with that argument i had with my little brother. Although Im not 100% sure it was all him. I have a feeling my mother may had been behind it... But well after my drunken night things just haven't really improved. Don't get me wrong. I've had some really fun/good/amazing/nice moments that have made me smile and happy (like last night) but my mood has generally been pretty sucky.
Haha. Last night was good. Well any time i spend with the boyfie is good. :p but anyways, we went to cue bar last night and played some pool. He kicked my arse. I won like 2 outta 6.. I think we played 6 games. I dunno. Lol.
Then, after getting some news on Facebook i didn't really feel like going home so we decided we'd go for a bit of a drive. We headed out to bindoon and i met his friend and her daughter. And then we decided to drive home... Oooh.. The fun part.. :p Leith is probably going to kick ny bum for saying this... But on the way home his :p piece of shit ford :p broke down. Hehe. Silly clutch peddle. So we fixed it Me being chief torch holder, which i must say is an extremely important job!! :p
But we made it back. I do think however, the best part if the night was just being there with him, holding his not so angular hand. :p and actually having a serious relationshippy conversation. And i say this because knowing both leith and i, we're not the greatest at using our words to express things. But it was just amazing to see how much we are both willing to put 'most' of our insecurities on the line and have a conversation. I must admit though, Leith did most of the talking and i did most of the listening. But that's just me at the moment. I love listening, and understanding. But Yh. It was just great to actually see how far we have both come. I mean 18 months ago, heck, not even 7 months ago we would have been like this.
Im actually glad and i know i have said this before but i am glad we are dating now and not any earlier on in our friendship, i dont think we would have been very umm, what's the word... Compatible... Yh. I don't think we would have been very compatible in the past. However i feel now, no matter what happens with us, we are able and mature enough to get through whatever this relationship will bring.
Fuck i probably would have majorly screwed things up. Its my thing.. I tend to screw up the good shit in my life... But with my Leithykins :p i feel things are different.. Its a feeling that's had to describe...
Anyways... I will be sure to keep you all posted.. :p
I should probably get some shut eye.. 
Night all
And remember
Speak Kind Words. Xx

Wow, Last Night...

So last night was a little weird.

I ended up in tears, and fighting with my little brother on facebook, swearing like a trucker, i also got a lot drunk... Which definitely was not a good thing to do.

Sometimes you feel that you can trust someone again so you decide to let them back into your life, but it turns out they were full of shit and you shouldnt have bothered cos they are just continuously going to bring you down. I feel like that with my little brother, I am not sure how much about my story he actually knows, but it makes it hard every time we talk. Like last night I had a status about missing home, and he said home with him (which is the farm where John lives and shit) and well I could never call that place home again, and well things just escalated from there.Thats when I decided I will start drinking, and I have always said to my self that I would not drink because I am angry/sad.upset or whatever, but I did, and i shouldn't have, I can remember, certain things, like punching my self, and scribbling extremely hard on my leg with a pen, crying, more crying, laying on the floor crying, curled up in a ball on my bed crying,sitting at my laptop crying, Taking swigs out of my bottles. I was just angry, its not like I was actually trying to hurt myself.
There were a few text messages, and facebook status which I have know idea what they mean.

it just sucks, because I have been doing so well with dealing with it all, but last night things just got weird and I have know idea..

Anyways, Things I have learnt from last night,
Dont drink when you are angry
My other is a bitch
The floor isnt that comfy to sleep on
You should probably stop drinking when you realise your texts are not making sense

Anyways,

Speak Kind Words Xx

Jess Xx

Hey You!!

The awkward moment you almost burst into tears while cooking noodles. :(

Im not really sad or anything, and I have know idea why I was so close to losing it, something just hit me.
I guess I am just really missing home right now. I just wanna head to Benny, see my daddy, and the rest of the clan from out that way, And most of all, I just wanna see the stars again, and the gravel stones, and not have to worry about all the shit the city brings.  :( I will get there soon

On a more positive note, I honestly do have the most amazing boyfriend one can ask for. He is actually kinda  perfect. We had our first kiss last night, :p It was pretty funny. I kinda lost it laughing and wiped the slobber of my face, you see, it was like my first kiss ever, his probably 10 millionth, it was just funny, but cute.

I kinda feel like all grown upish in this relationship, it is kinda a little scary, Im new to all this, and im not really a fan of new things, I mean I am, they just scare me, I fear the unknown, which is rather stupid, cos there is so much unknown in the world.

Hmm, Im just going to leave it there for now guys. Sorry. Got a bit on my mind tonight.

But Thanks for reading, :)

Speak Kind Words Xx

Jess Xx

I'm a B*tch I know

Wow, Its been a while. So sowwy guys.. I Know I promised at least a post a week, But these last few weeks have been absolutely hectic

Uni is slowly killing me with all of this study. Although, I did just write 2 2000 word essays in 2 days, man I was so tired, and stressed out. I cant even count the amount of times that I dropped the f bomb. :( 

What has happened since last time we have spoke....

I went to my cousins birthday in Benny. We had a bonfire, Caught up with my aunty and uncle. :) Got wonderful Kye Kye cuddles <3 Played with Jesse, Checked out the almost completion of our cubby house. :)) The slide is on now, Will get a picture next time I'm up there and show you all out Amazing cubby house. 

Then I came back to Perth, and realised my essays were due, so after my initial freak out, I had to kick my arse into gear and get these still essays done. 4 in two days, however the first two were only 300 each, but even though they were so small they were friggen hard to write, then my lovely (sarcasm) 2 2000 word essay. Man I was about ready to give up and quit uni altogether, But I didn't, and now I just gotta learn to organise my time!!!

What else has happened, 

Oh i have done a few loads of washing, and cleaned my room a few times. Made the yummiest cabbage,vinegar,bacon mix thing. So So yummy!! 

I have gotten a few more assignments to work on :( But I promise I wont start them the day before!! Don't think I could handle that again. I shall start them once I finish updating you all :) 

Oooh, I went for pancakes with Penny, and we got soaked in the rain, then we went to her boyfriends mates place for some radio show thing..that doof doof crap music, :p It actually wasn't that bad. I had a good night. :)) I love catching up with my penny, and having out little intellectual conversations :)

I dont think much else has happened...

Oh, wait, I almost forgot.

I got a Boyfie :P

He isn't to bad I guess. :p Joking, he is pretty amazing  :) 

I guess i better tell you all the story :p

Well, His name is Leith, And we met online (don't be freaked out) about 18 months ago

and we chatted for a while, then we decided that we would meet up. So we did, At the casino. Jasmine (imma have to tell you the whole story about her one day) and her mum came with me to make sure he wasn't a psychopath and was going to chop me up into little pieces. We spent the whole time talking, :p I mean who goes to the casino and spends 5 or so hours just talking and not gambling, He took a photo of my bandaid tan on my knee. Which apparently he still has... We continued to chat and seen each other a few more times, Then one night jasmine decided that she didn't like him, and she never had (even though she had said the after the night we met, that she did) And well her being my best friend I decided I couldn't be with someone who my best friend didn't approve of, so i told Leith that I think he should take a few steps backwards, which silly him, interrupted that that meant out of my life. Then I started stalking him on a fake facebook account, and eventually I told him it was me, and we started talking again, he was in a relationship whit a psycho slut whore face bitch. :p ( he agrees ) Then I kinda stopped talking to him again, cos Jasmine found out and went skitz, then when i got back from England, we started talking again, and caught up but at the time I was pretty fragile and no where near ready for a relationship. And we kinda stopped talking after that.

Now the juicy bits :p 

The other weekend, the weekend i went home for my cousins birthday, the day before it was Leith's party, and well originally I was unable to make it, then my daddy changed plans and was picking me up the next morning, so I decided I wouldn't tell him I could go and I would rock up and surprise him :))) And he was surprised. :) And we had a great night together, except me embarrassing myself on the cat walk :p 

We havnt stopped txting each other since, And well, It was eight days later that we were finally able to see each other again. :( Eight days wayyyy to long, And so yesterday, when we finally caught up, we went on a date, first we went to the movies and watched The Expendables 2. Totally a perfect date movie (sarcasm) :p But it was a good movie! I enjoyed it. Then he kidnapped me and wouldn't tell me where we were going, we ended up in Lanclin. Blah Blah Blah, :p, It was in this wonderful town that Leith decided to authoritatively inform me we were dating, lol, then told me to me to think about it, and of course i was going to say yes, I mean, who am I to argue with fate, I mean, if we weren't meant to be, we wouldn't keep popping up in each others life. So I told him, we may as well, :p He didn't like that, So I was like what do you want, a yes or something, :p Then I said YES I WILL DATE YOU  awwww aren't we so cute :p Then we drove an extremely long way home, but it was okay, I happen to like spending time with Leith. :p Then we got home, and he decided that he would lay on my bed an demand we watch Mcleod's Daughters. So we did. :)) Then I had to kick him out so I could go to sleep, which was extremely hard cos he is just sooo cuddly!!! But he eventually left, and then of course we were txting, but I fell asleep on him, (my bad). 

So that is the story about how I became no longer single!!

Now, this is like my first relationship in almost 2 years, And well, we all know I'm young an innocent and all that, But I want this to last for a while at least, :p So I guess that means Manning up, and doing a lot of new things. Relationshippy new things! But we also know that I'm not good at making the first move, or trying new things, But we will just see how I go and how things progress. 

With that I shall probably let you all get back on with your lives!! 

I promise I will try not to leave it so long before my next post. 

<3 you all Xx

Remember:

Speak Kind Words Xx

Jess Xx