I ended up in tears, and fighting with my little brother on facebook, swearing like a trucker, i also got a lot drunk... Which definitely was not a good thing to do.
Sometimes you feel that you can trust someone again so you decide to let them back into your life, but it turns out they were full of shit and you shouldnt have bothered cos they are just continuously going to bring you down. I feel like that with my little brother, I am not sure how much about my story he actually knows, but it makes it hard every time we talk. Like last night I had a status about missing home, and he said home with him (which is the farm where John lives and shit) and well I could never call that place home again, and well things just escalated from there.Thats when I decided I will start drinking, and I have always said to my self that I would not drink because I am angry/sad.upset or whatever, but I did, and i shouldn't have, I can remember, certain things, like punching my self, and scribbling extremely hard on my leg with a pen, crying, more crying, laying on the floor crying, curled up in a ball on my bed crying,sitting at my laptop crying, Taking swigs out of my bottles. I was just angry, its not like I was actually trying to hurt myself.
There were a few text messages, and facebook status which I have know idea what they mean.
it just sucks, because I have been doing so well with dealing with it all, but last night things just got weird and I have know idea..
Anyways, Things I have learnt from last night,
Dont drink when you are angry
My other is a bitch
The floor isnt that comfy to sleep on
You should probably stop drinking when you realise your texts are not making sense
Anyways,
Speak Kind Words Xx
Jess Xx
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