I know its been a while... My bad.

"IDA Scott Taylor wrote: 'Do not look back and grieve over the past,for it is gone. and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering"'

Thinking about it all today, I have realised that my life has become much easier to look back at, I am so glad it is. I am in a very happy place in my life. I have a perfect man, who really truly loves me for who i am, and everything that i will be.

Im sorry i havent been around lately, I think i have mentioned that i have moved back home, and am now living with my amazing other half. We've  moved out to a place that doesn't have much reception so i try to get online when i can, which really isn't that often, but more than when i post on here. 

I was considering not continuing on the blog anymore, But I have decided that i will. Because i love writing it definitely help me.

So i attended a wedding of some close friends, it was truly a beautiful sight, Amazing ceremony, and a fun reception.  It was truly an amazing day. But it makes me think about my wedding one day. 

I know it will happen, and im excited, Although, I love Jez so much, if he didnt want a wedding, that would be fine with me :)))

Anyways, I shall leave it at that, I will talk to you all sooonish,, :p

Love all 

Xx

Jessica

Been a while... My bad

Sorry guys. 
At first my excuse was I had an important assignment, then it was "I needed an Internet break", then exams come up. So my latest excuse was I needed to study. But now as of today I have finished my exams and I am on holidays.  So I didn't really have an excuse. 

Whats been happening you ask..
Not mch apart from uni stuff. Its currently about 2am and I cant sleep so I thought why not update you guys on whats been happening.  Which isn't much. Lol. 

Jez and I are going well. :))
Im planning on moving home to be with him.. Although im not 100% convinced its the best idea.. I want to be with him. But I know moving in with people can destroy relationships. I dont think that'll happen.  But it could...
I reckon I'll miss the big smoke a fair bit.  And I don't see us getting back up here often. Not with work and football and bowls and everything else.  Even though he says we will. I highly doubt it very much....

Ummm... apart from Jez there really isnt much to talk about. And I dont really want to bore you with all the amazingness of Jez. Lol.

So thats really about it I think...
Guess I'll update you guys in a weekish...

:))

Ciao x

Jeremy (heart)

I fell for you

quickly and hard

even though I told myself not to

I couldn't help it

you make me feel so many things

but happy is always my favorite

even though you are so far away

you still make me smile everyday

you always smell nice

and treat me like a princess

except without the spoilt brat bit

things are easy with you jez

I don't feel like i have to prove myself

be someone im not just to please you

cos you like me for me

and I love that you do

I lost someone who was trying to mold me, 

and I was sick of it so i decided i'd be myself, 

I lost him, and got someone better: YOU!!

Thanks the higher power!! 

you never tell me im wrong just because i do things different

Thank you!!

Also you don't care when i have moments where all i wanna do it talk about myself.

well if you do, you don't complain about it.

Thank you!!

I miss you. I love you. 

Just Me

Hey Heys.

Its Sunday the 7th of April and I am a tad bored. So, thought I would just say hey.

Havent been doing much at all, except stressing over uni assignments i leave to the last minute!! Im silly like that, :P But,, I have finished now, and was able to have a stress free weekend!! Yay!! So i was able watch The OC all weekend. Yay. And text my boyfriend all weekend. I miss him, :( And i cant with to see him again. He was meant to come up this weekend, but didn't, he had to work, :( and i was sad, but still a little disappointed. But its okay, I know he is still there :))
Have a week of uni, Then i get two weeks off, Yay, Might go spend it with that big boofa of a boyfriend of mine :)) and my daddy :)) Love em both :)) <3

Anyways, I am off to cook dinner, Chicken Parmi and Mash!! Nom Nom Nom.

Ciao Guys :))

Mama's Arms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfpZL1HjtvQ

Going back to a tender age,

So full of confusion and rage,

Daddy says, "Boys, your Mama's gone."

There's a hand on your shoulder as you're throwing dirt,

Someone says, "Time heals the hurt.

Little man, you got to keep on keepin' on,"

But all you want is Mama's arms.

You ride back home in a limousine,

The saddest car that you've ever seen,

Your brother can not look you in the eye.

Lightning strikes, thunder roars,

An early winter in that heart of yours,

But you swear you won't let them see you cry

'cause all you want is Mama's arms.

The neighbors come and bring you pies,

Endless words and futile sighs,

And you run up to your room and lock the door.

And there you are in your Sunday best,

The way your Mama would have had you dressed

And you realize it doesn't matter anymore

'cause all you want is Mama's arms.

'Round and 'round and 'round it goes.

The seasons change the young boy grows

To understand it's all part of some plan.

You used to wonder what it's all about.

Now those are questions you can do without.

You laugh them off and do the best you can

But all you want is Mama's arms.

All you want is Mama's arms.

Ronan Keating  - Mama's Arms

This isn't the first that i have heard this song, But its the first time it has made me feel like this.. I despise my mother, i really do, But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be loved like a mother should love a daughter, It doesn't stop me from wanting Mama's arms.... 
That was all i wanted was to feel a mothers love, for once in my life, and not when it was to late, not when you had destroyed every tiny ounce of hope i had that i would ever get it. You may say that you did, but fuck me, you have a funny way of showing it if you did... Just saying.. Staying with they guy who sexually abused your daughter for 8 years, is not showing your daughter love... But hey, If you think it is, you have no place in my life, I am done, hoping that one day we will have a relationship, because in my opinion, its taking to long for you to try, Stay with him for a long as you like, I am done caring!!

How serious is your relationship?

How serious is your relationship?

This question, is a little silly. I mean if I wasn't serious,  I wouldn't be in a relationship. 

I get there are a lot of younger people who are not really in a relationship,  but having sex with people, I get that, and I respect thats the way our society is going. But just having sex and being in a relationship are different. 

Anyways. Thats my bit of bitching today. Not that its really bitching. Lol.

Today, Im watching Jez and Ryan play bowls which doesnt sound so interesting,  but kinda is. :p

Its easter and I'm up at home for a few days.  Yay. :))

After everything that I have been through in my past, It sickens me when I see news stories about pedophiles who don't get convicted and then seeing people make excuses for them. Also, people who lie about being sexually abused just because they want to get at that person, Seriously  you screw it up for the rest of us who do tell truth. Fuck, it shits me, I told my story and nothing happened to that fuck head, yet I know of two other people who have lied about being sexually abused just to get someone in trouble, and they did, and despite me testifying for them, they are in prison . It shits me, I can only wish and dream of John, being in prison, but i know it'll never happen, at least not for the things he did for me anyway..

Come to think about it, if i had been able to go to court about my own abuse, maybe he would have been put in prison... Fuck, here i go, blaming myself again.. I cant keep doing this. But this is the first time i have thought about that though. I mean, the reason he didn't get charged was because of lack of evidence, If i had of actually gone to court and told my story, maybe, just maybe, a judge or jury or whatever could have seen it written on my face or whatever and he could have been charged. Because how they still charge people where they have no evidence i will never understand, mainly because, i didn't get that lucky...

Anyways... Thats my complaining for the night..

Ciao

Bits and Pieces today

First thing

People who write a status on Facebook full on bagging someone out, but doesn't actually name that certain person, I mean, of you are going to bitch about someone on Facebook  have the balls to at least name them, Better still, Don't write it on Facebook and talk to the person instead!!

Second Thing

When you are having a nice conversation with someone via text, email, Facebook or something similar, and the other person just replies with "Lol". Its like "DICKHEAD I AM TRYING TO HAVE A FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU" so like, have the consideration to at least make an effort to have a conversation, or just say, i am busy, i don't want to talk right now, or don't reply,  Just don't reply with Lol!!

Third Thing

Stupid PMS symptoms!! Especially Mood Swings!!
I went home for the weekend, and spent time with Jez ( the amazing boyfriend) And I had a lovely weekend. And when I got back to Perth and snuggled in bed, I burst into tears because I missed him so much. :(
Another annoying symptom is food cravings, Always wanting to eat everything, Nom nom nom. Its like I am constantly hungry, and i will eat anything that is in my way. Also, Sore Boobs, its so annoying, and its something pain killers doesn't help with.


Forth Thing

People who say that a long distance relationship is easy!! Personally, I find it hard. I find it hard when i go and visit Jez, and then I have to leave, It breaks my heart every time. And its always hard not having him here to talk about things with, having to rely on text and Facebook for our relationship. I just want to be able to spend more time than 1 or 2 nights with him, <3


Fifth thing --- A Poem For My Lovely Mr Mouse

You are always on my mind, I wonder if I’m on yours.

I hate not being with you; trying to stay out of the wars.

I was never meant to fall for you, but I did and now I’m glad.

Hug me tight, kiss me softly; I want to spend time with you so bad.

Your amazing in every way, being together is just so amazing

I can’t wait to grow with you, and set the world on fire, blazing.

This poem is for you Jez, I hope you enjoy it,

Because I care for you more than I’ll ever admit <3 Xx

I miss You

I used to have a clear picture of where i wanted my life to go! I wanted to get my degree and work. I wanted to help teenagers, I didn't care how i did it, I was just going to do it...
Now,,,
I don't even know if i want to help people you know... I mean, I like helping people and giving advice, But I just don't know if i really want to spend the rest of my life doing that you know..I don't know if i really want to finish my degree, I just don't seem to be enjoying it anymore..

However, I have know idea what i really want to do career wise..
I honestly thought it was just the fact i had been at home for so long, and that i loved spending time with my dad, and Jez (the amazing new boyfriend), was the reason that i didn't want to come back, and that if i came back, i would realize that this is still what i want to do with my life and study and stuff, but its been two weeks, and i really don't think it is...But i am stuck as to what i do want to do... The one dream i have had my whole life, is to be a mum, and have a family. And sure, it'll happen one day, It just gets me a tad sad when i am around kids and i am playing with them and making them smile and laugh and all that jazz, I could of had that.. It just makes me want it more...

Anyways, I am going home tomorrow for the Show, and to see my Dad, and to see Jez, and i am very excited!! Even if it is only for one night. Every minuite counts.

That'll do for now i think,
Might go lay in bed and watch a movie or 2, most likely an early start in the morning,

Ciao all

xx

:(

I've built my life on being strong, pushing things to the side and 'getting' over things. So i can be the one who is there for others..Im kinda sick of it. I want, no i need for someone to be here for me.. Make sure i am okay.
I dunno. Guess im feeling a little lost and wanted. :((

So Frustrating

Sup Guys, Im back..

I've got a bit of complaining to do..

I am trying to pick an elective for my course, but, I have no idea what to pick and the choices i have picked i cant do because they clash with my other units, or they are semester 2 units.. So Grrrr

Its so frustrating, 

In other other news, I Think i am falling this new guy.. But I still think about Leith a fair bit.. Not in a relationshippy way, just i miss that friendship we had kinda thing, he didnt even send me a happy birthday message.. I dunno, This new guy is pretty cool. :))

I also kinda dont want to go back to Perth, everytime i think its okay and shit, it like, Nah, i want to stay in the country.. I dont know...

Anyways, Just a quick one.. 

Gotta get stuff together.. :))

Talk laters!!

I Know I Know

So, It has been a while. I know, I am sorry. Been a bit hectic these last few months..

The whole break up thing, I was pretty crushed, I didn't want to stay in Perth  so I came back to Benny for a few months, I was feeling pretty crook (sick), went to the doc because I thought I was pregnant, he told me I wasn't, about a week and a half later, I miscarried the child I apparently didn't have. But, to be honest I was okay about it, because of the circumstances of me and the father. Although it did make me re-evaluate my life goals.. I now don't know if my uni degree is what I want to do.. I don't really want to go back to Perth.. All I really know what I want to do with my life, is have a family, be a mum, But after a few weeks of trying to figure it out, I decided I will go back to Perth and continue on with my degree and work it out from there. Best to do something while trying to figure it out, and seeing as its been almost 3 months since I actually been studying, I thought if I get back into it, I still may enjoy it.
'I did have a wonderful Christmas my My dad and some family. It was really fun. And I had a good Boxing Day. :p. I got drunk. I've been drunk a few time since I have been home. :p
I spent New Years with Shanae in Kalgoorlie, Was sooooo good to catch up her again!! Naomi had a baby Boy, Cutest kid EVER!!!!! Mason. <3

I have a new partner now. :)) He is pretty good :))
Its good because this relationship is different form the ones I have had before. :) We'll see where it goes. Also part of the reason I don't really want to go back to Perth. :) But as he said, We'll work it out, :)

Anyway, I'll be heading back to Perth in a couple of weeks, so I will most likely start posting more regularly again. :))